one minute with you

Is so much better than two without you.

     Living in Idaho I was blessed to meet the people that I have met. I can easily say they have all changed my life, I will always cherish them. Yet living with all of these great people just reminded me how important the people I already had in my life were. When I was 16 years old my family slowly started leaving me. It was really quite rude now that I think about it. Brandie and Andrew moved to Reno before but I still had everyone else so the hugeness of that didn't really set in. Luckily they both came back and I never had to watch them move away again. Christie went to Idaho and ended up married and living in Florida. I'm pretty sure I ruined her wedding video because I'm standing there crying like a baby watching her join a life with Adam and all I could think was 'why are you leaving me too' . Poor Adam had to deal with me coming to visit every summer because I just couldn't let her go. Then Buddy goes and joins the Air force leaving all of us completely destroyed because when he left he took his sweet spirit and the impact it had on all of us daily. He never realized it but him leaving was harder on our family than I think anything else. He was our glue (;

     Tayler Nicole thought it was cool to move to St. Geezy and make me lose my best friend since 5th grade. Kelsey went to Provo for school likes it important or something. Ricky went on a mission for two years to stinking Denmark and Caitlin may not have left but she just kept having babies and making her life way to busy for me to be the center of attention anymore. (rude)  My amazing parents were all crazy busy and I was too stubborn to realize just how much I loved and needed them. The Burleys moved to Alabama and when you take all these people away I was pretty much on my own.  SO, I moved away too, and I became the traitor that abandons everyone. I've been gone for over two years and by the time I move home it will be almost three.
thinking about how much it effected me to have all these people I love away from me makes me laugh. I'm still so dead set against people leaving me, yet my two best friends haven't had me in Vegas for over two years, and they never tell me not to chase my dreams. Travis met me 3 months before I left and I am so grateful that we decided to stay in contact and grow a friendship that I depended on EVERYDAY. He is the person that i tell everything to, even the stuff that makes me so uncomfortable he just laughs in my face. He's my best, i don't know why, or how but he really is. I'm pretty lucky to have him for a friend. Then there is Hayli and she needs me more than I ever thought a person would. I realize all the people that I depend on so heavily depend on me right back, Hayli tells me almost everyday now how much I need to come home and that I'm never allowed to leave again. She says she ready to have her best friend living close again and to be honest I am too.

      I'm so ready to have these people back in my life on a daily/semi-daily basis. MY FAMILY will finally be within a few minutes of me everyday, I can see them anytime I choose and never have to feel homesick because home will be right down the street instead of 10 hours down the interstate. MY friends will be there when I'm sitting home alone on a Saturday night and wishing I had someone to talk to. (with the exception of Tayler Wright who will be a little over an hour away, still closer than 9 hours right?)  I'll be able to see them in person rather than trying to picture them when I'm on the phone with them. My siblings will grow up knowing me again, instead of just knowing a voice over the phone. I'll be able to see Regan's dance recital for the first time and watch Matthew play sports and piano. I'll go to field days and I'll see them change everyday. I was so ready to leave my 'hometown' I didn't even hesitate. I made the plans and I started my adventure. But what I didn't realize was I will never be ready to leave my family and those friends that over the years have become family.

     I'm grateful I left, I was able to grow up, and while growing up I was able to mend fences and un burn all my bridges.I know when I go back that my life will run more smoothly than it ever has. I know that my family and I will finally get along because I no longer think I'm so different than them. I know that my friends and I will make tons of new memories and that I'll make new friends and new people will come into my life there just like they have here. But hopefully I won't be leaving them anytime soon, or even if I do I know that I have people that will ALWAYS be apart of my life so it's okay if the others do leave, or if I leave them. I'm so happy with life it's silly, I never thought that working 13 hours a day and going to the gym every night, simply to get up and do it all again the next day, would ever be the thing that made me completely happy in life. Yet it has, I know what I want now and I know how to get it. I'm so ready for these next 84 days to go by, so that I can move into the next stage of life. IT JUST NEEDS TO HURRY UP AND GET HERE!

if you're gonne be somebody's heartbreak...

"if you're gonna be somebodys heartbreak, if you're gonna be somebodys mistake. if you're gonna be somebodys first time, somebodys last time, baby be mine. if you're looking to be somebodys just friend a little laugh a little love and never calling again, that's just fine. if you're gonna be somebodys heartbreak be mine."  -hunter hayes, somebody's heartbreak

I really can't explain to you how much I enjoy this song.

So maybe I'm living life the wrong way, but at least I'm living life..

       Here I am laying in bed at 11 o'clock on a Sunday night remembering all of the life changing adventures I've taken this past year and a half I've lived in Rexburg. While I remember and relive all those moments I can't help but smile.... I've been "all over the map" so to speak, my adventures are exactly that, they are crazy and random and new and exciting, sometimes they are terrifying and I can't believe I was the one partaking in them. Some were stupid all of them reckless and when I try to imagine doing something different it just never seems to fit. Even the ones I'm too ashamed to talk about, they are all so important I was meant to live my life this way. I just know it.  
           If you have ever been in my apartment or looked through my binder at school, my notes on my phone, computer or even my Facebook; if you know me at all you know that I'm crazy about quotes. If it's even the slightest bit relevant to my life I fall in love with it. I'm convinced 90% of country songs were written just for me and that the cute sayings on pinterest can all be applied to some point or other in my life. I'm sure I'm not that important and my life isn't that exciting or romantic, happy or even depressing. I'm sure everyone at some point or another feels exactly the same way about the same quotes and somehow it just makes us all human. But to me the quotes are personal, each and everyone of them. So here I am laying in bed at 11 o'clock on a Sunday night remembering all of the life changing adventures I've taken in the past year and a half I've lived in Rexburg, and I decided I needed to find some new quotes to try and explain just how much I truly love my life. And maybe how I plan to love the years to come.

    1. "As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back"
    2. "It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
    3. "It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."
    4. "Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright"
    5.  "Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do"
    6. "The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way."
    7. "Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying."
    8. "I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."
    9. "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."- Erica Jong
    10. "You've got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret"
     
       The person I am today compared to the one I was yesterday even the one I will be tomorrow they are all different. They have all grown. from one to another I'm learning about life and discovering what I want, what makes me happy, and how determined I am to get just where it is I am meant to be. In 58 days I turn 21, I graduate from school in 40, My last day of school is in 74, and I pack everything up and move back to Vegas in 100. After this I'll start new count downs and I'll make new memories but somehow I know they won't be quite as life changing or impacting as my time living away from home. I'm always told the things I'm doing today I will never be able to do again, don't be in a hurry to grow up, enjoy being single and my time discovering myself. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of things so far. I can't wait to keep doing it.  <3

life is full of fading moments

There are times I like to sit and remember every possible detail in my life, happy, sad, angry, funny. They all seem so important for me to try and remember. Yet doing this always bring me an equal combination of great pleasure and sorrow. I wonder about things that are always best left alone and i try to forget things that I really should try to correct. The only problem I can see when I do this is that I'm constantly reminded that life is full of moments and every day that passes between this moment and that one is another day for that moment to fade away and soon enough you hardly remember them at all.

My closest and longest friend in this whole wide world is my sister Kelsey, I've said it before and I'll always find a reason to say it in the future. The greatest part about having my sister for my best friend is that the memories seem to always stay so clear. We never leave each others lives so we never have to forget a memory; either by accident or by sheer determination to avoid the pain a memory can cause. When we were younger the moments in life seemed endless, looking back now we never slowed down. There was always a game to play or an adventure to find. We would bring home a baby bird that had a broken wing, or we would make a fort in the empty lots near our house. We'd pick on our brother or we'd feed him grapes like a king. Some how we were always making the most of our moments. Later the memories got a little darker, we added in a little more anger and hurt. Our families troubles became our own and our happy bubble of childhood became a hardened shell that we used as a defense rather than a bond to make more moments. For years we would hurt each other and never let the other behind our newly formed shell. It took great courage to let go of those hardened shells and luckily enough we both realized we would rather have a bubble than have to carry around a rock. But even those dark and hurtful moments were moments we cherish, because in those moments we were no longer one we were finally able to become individuals, we grew up and by growing up we learned to trust each other.

Now we continue to make memories and we continue to live our moments, but now we are able to enjoy the memories together and be excited for the moments one of us has without the other. Right now we are living in completely different states, and although its hard to make contact every day, we still take the time to involve each other in our lives. It's what makes our moments special. Recently my longest friend outside of family got married. Tayler used to be the most stubborn girls I have ever known, and she was dead set against ever getting married. She had been hurt so many times and seen her mother hurt so many times that she was convinced she would always be better off on her own. Yet here she is 19 years old and married to an amazing guy, Trevor Wright, and together they will start making their moments. Simply because Tayler decided that a bubble was much lighter than a rock and she wanted to know what life could be like living with a little risk. learning to trust someone with her whole heart not just a little piece.

For Tayler and I our moments seem to fade a little faster than I'd like. She was my first real friend, the first person I let into my heart completely. She reminded me just this month of a time in 6th grade when she had a broken arm and couldn't manage to button her jeans in p.e. I buttoned them for her and she said in that moment she knew we would always be best friends. I'm lucky to say that it never changed between us, I'm still more comfortable around her than I will ever be around another person, outside of family of course. But if it weren't for that little moment, if it weren't for Tayler realizing that she could lean on me and trust me who knows whether or not we would be able to stay friends as long as we have. The memories are there but sadly enough my life and hers have gone in different directions and it's hard to remember all of the inside jokes, and the tears we shared. In my heart they are always there but bringing them back is a hard thing to do. Life is full of fading moments.

Today I was able to talk to two of my favorite guys in the world. One has been my rock and my complete support for the last 2 1/2 years without fail. The other left for the last 2 years and recently was able to come back. Both of them have terrible memories, they can't remember what they did the day before let alone the entirety of our friendships. But I can, I can bring almost 90% of memories back and I cherish each and every one of them. As I was talking to them today both were able to make me laugh and make me smile but only one of them was able to tell that something was wrong, that my laugh was a little too forced and my smile not completely sincere. He doesn't need to remember moments because that's my job, but without a doubt I know he will always remember me. How I work, how I think and feel, how I present myself to others and how i show myself to him. Today I realized the moments are what make us but they aren't the most important part of us.

Life is full of fading moments, and no matter how hard we try to prevent it, maybe even relive those moments they are constantly going to fade. But life is also filled with people. People we love and hate, people we trust or people we use. Life is full of people and its those people we let in, the ones that see us completely, the ones who know our hearts and minds and souls, it's those people that really make life matter. The moments make us, but the people are what keep us going.

Is it really a vacation when you never really leave?

Well I'm not gonna lie, lately my life has been more like I'm staying in Vegas and just visiting my life in Rexburg. A lot of that has to do with my mom being sick and the Holidays, Buddy coming home to visit and then him returning a few months later to get married!!! Yep that's right my crazy big brother tied the knot. He was lucky enough to make Robin think marrying him was a good idea, little does she know our family is absolutely crazy!! Really though I am so completely happy for them and their future together. Sadly enough this is going to be one of my last trips home for a while, in 8 days I will be going to
Las Vegas but that isn't a family trip. THAT'S CAPER 2012 BABBBYY!!! Can't wait(:

A little presents and a little party!

Christmas day this year was such a wonderful time it made me regret living so far away even more than before. I am convinced that I have the greatest family in the whole wide world, see I'm lucky enough to have two amazing families and lots of mixed in messes. From the outside looking in we are quite a rare breed. But really we are quite simple. Christmas was pretty traditional, wake up entirely too early, open presents. Go to grandmas house, open more presents. Go back home and open the rest of the presents with the older kids and finally have a huge feast for family dinner. It was such a calm nice feeling that everyone had really been needing.Next on the holiday list is the beloved New Years Eve party!!! Every year my moms family gets a huge group of people together and at midnight they all jump into the freezing cold pool. This year wasn't any different. We have food and music and people yelling and laughing, basically we had everything a person needs to have a good time. Plus I was lucky enough to have three of my closest friends spend the night hanging out with my crazy little family. No doubt about it 2012 is gonna be a crazy year(:

What's Christmas without a few miracles....

It's been a long time since I've posted and well I guess I can blame it all on life. Life has been a bit crazy lately, but no worries I've got a lot of stuff to talk about. I'm gonna start just about where I left off in December. As you all know December is probably the happiest month of the entire year, its a month completely focused on family and presents and chocolate. Doesn't get much better that that right? Well this year my family had just a little more on our minds.This last year my mom was diagnosed with cancer, Complex Endometrial Cancer to be exact, and seeing how she is the strongest person I have ever met; it was a life altering event for our family. At first I didn't really know how to take the news. I just know she came into my room and sat on my bed, (because I was being a brat and didn't want to hang out with the family) she said "Diana I need to talk to you". Instantly all of the terrible things I had done that year ran through my mind and I was wondering which one she had found out about. I never thought she would continue to tell me that she was sick, and it wasn't the simple cold gonna be better soon kind. She told me about her doctors appointments and how she had known for a while that something wasn't right with her. She told me about the questions she had and the answers she was given. And most of all she sat there telling me about how sick she was and in the end was more worried about if the cancer was hereditary. She was only thinking of her daughters, she wasn't letting this make her weak, she was still firstly a mother and she wanted all of the information she could get on it so her children would be well informed. Not once did she look for sympathy, not once did she feel badly for herself and question why it was her who had to get sick. She was simply my strong independent mother and to me she had never been more beautiful than she was in that moment.

It's often been said that nothing brings people together like a time of crisis, well my family sure knows that's the truth. I look back on it now and realize just how close we all became, hanging around the house any chance we got. watching late night Jimmy Fallen episodes with my mom when she couldn't sleep, family dinners and Sunday football games. Whatever the occasion we were sure to spend it with my mama. My brother and his beautiful Fiance (now his wife) came out to visit all the way from England, and I came home for just about any excuse I could find. We all just needed to be home. The funny thing is she was the one reassuring her children that everything would be alright, she was the one bringing us comfort instead of her looking for it herself.

She had surgeries and she was ordered to take it easy. Somtimes I think she hated the recovery more than she ever did being sick, I guess you can say she was going a little stir crazy. Our holidays were spent together as a family and she had her final surgery soon after. She was cancer free as far as we knew and we could not have been happier. Although we are all grown and in different places in our lives I know that this year we were more of a family than we had ever been. I can honestly say I am one lucky gal, I had an amazing December that's for sure, because this year I had myself my own little Christmas miracle.