life is full of fading moments

There are times I like to sit and remember every possible detail in my life, happy, sad, angry, funny. They all seem so important for me to try and remember. Yet doing this always bring me an equal combination of great pleasure and sorrow. I wonder about things that are always best left alone and i try to forget things that I really should try to correct. The only problem I can see when I do this is that I'm constantly reminded that life is full of moments and every day that passes between this moment and that one is another day for that moment to fade away and soon enough you hardly remember them at all.

My closest and longest friend in this whole wide world is my sister Kelsey, I've said it before and I'll always find a reason to say it in the future. The greatest part about having my sister for my best friend is that the memories seem to always stay so clear. We never leave each others lives so we never have to forget a memory; either by accident or by sheer determination to avoid the pain a memory can cause. When we were younger the moments in life seemed endless, looking back now we never slowed down. There was always a game to play or an adventure to find. We would bring home a baby bird that had a broken wing, or we would make a fort in the empty lots near our house. We'd pick on our brother or we'd feed him grapes like a king. Some how we were always making the most of our moments. Later the memories got a little darker, we added in a little more anger and hurt. Our families troubles became our own and our happy bubble of childhood became a hardened shell that we used as a defense rather than a bond to make more moments. For years we would hurt each other and never let the other behind our newly formed shell. It took great courage to let go of those hardened shells and luckily enough we both realized we would rather have a bubble than have to carry around a rock. But even those dark and hurtful moments were moments we cherish, because in those moments we were no longer one we were finally able to become individuals, we grew up and by growing up we learned to trust each other.

Now we continue to make memories and we continue to live our moments, but now we are able to enjoy the memories together and be excited for the moments one of us has without the other. Right now we are living in completely different states, and although its hard to make contact every day, we still take the time to involve each other in our lives. It's what makes our moments special. Recently my longest friend outside of family got married. Tayler used to be the most stubborn girls I have ever known, and she was dead set against ever getting married. She had been hurt so many times and seen her mother hurt so many times that she was convinced she would always be better off on her own. Yet here she is 19 years old and married to an amazing guy, Trevor Wright, and together they will start making their moments. Simply because Tayler decided that a bubble was much lighter than a rock and she wanted to know what life could be like living with a little risk. learning to trust someone with her whole heart not just a little piece.

For Tayler and I our moments seem to fade a little faster than I'd like. She was my first real friend, the first person I let into my heart completely. She reminded me just this month of a time in 6th grade when she had a broken arm and couldn't manage to button her jeans in p.e. I buttoned them for her and she said in that moment she knew we would always be best friends. I'm lucky to say that it never changed between us, I'm still more comfortable around her than I will ever be around another person, outside of family of course. But if it weren't for that little moment, if it weren't for Tayler realizing that she could lean on me and trust me who knows whether or not we would be able to stay friends as long as we have. The memories are there but sadly enough my life and hers have gone in different directions and it's hard to remember all of the inside jokes, and the tears we shared. In my heart they are always there but bringing them back is a hard thing to do. Life is full of fading moments.

Today I was able to talk to two of my favorite guys in the world. One has been my rock and my complete support for the last 2 1/2 years without fail. The other left for the last 2 years and recently was able to come back. Both of them have terrible memories, they can't remember what they did the day before let alone the entirety of our friendships. But I can, I can bring almost 90% of memories back and I cherish each and every one of them. As I was talking to them today both were able to make me laugh and make me smile but only one of them was able to tell that something was wrong, that my laugh was a little too forced and my smile not completely sincere. He doesn't need to remember moments because that's my job, but without a doubt I know he will always remember me. How I work, how I think and feel, how I present myself to others and how i show myself to him. Today I realized the moments are what make us but they aren't the most important part of us.

Life is full of fading moments, and no matter how hard we try to prevent it, maybe even relive those moments they are constantly going to fade. But life is also filled with people. People we love and hate, people we trust or people we use. Life is full of people and its those people we let in, the ones that see us completely, the ones who know our hearts and minds and souls, it's those people that really make life matter. The moments make us, but the people are what keep us going.